[Her answer takes a frustratingly familiar turn, reminding Masaomi of his talk with Azula and the way she told him that he can't keep molding himself around what other people need. It's frustrating because he can see it's a fault, but he doesn't know how to stop being so dependent. Not here in Adstring, where all the training in the world won't protect him from the other people here.
The truth is that Jinx probably exacerbated this problem. Masaomi can't go back and judge their time together objectively now that she's gone. He's idealized her so effectively since she disappeared. But she had been as needy and desperate as he had, and since they'd wanted to be wanted, they'd enabled each other with surprising efficiency.
He's afraid to be left alone, but he knows now that he's entirely willing to kill even his closest friends. He's a burden, a violent one at that, thrashing uselessly until someone puts him down.
...
Why is it so much easier to focus on how awful he is than on how to change?]
And that worked? What, did he put a monthly reminder on your calendar, and that was the end of that?
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2013-08-31 12:03 am (UTC)The truth is that Jinx probably exacerbated this problem. Masaomi can't go back and judge their time together objectively now that she's gone. He's idealized her so effectively since she disappeared. But she had been as needy and desperate as he had, and since they'd wanted to be wanted, they'd enabled each other with surprising efficiency.
He's afraid to be left alone, but he knows now that he's entirely willing to kill even his closest friends. He's a burden, a violent one at that, thrashing uselessly until someone puts him down.
...
Why is it so much easier to focus on how awful he is than on how to change?]
And that worked? What, did he put a monthly reminder on your calendar, and that was the end of that?