sheepinwolfclothing

[It may not be love, the reason behind the playing with his hair, but she continues, trying to offer some comfort to someone so troubled. He's not pulling away, at the very least, so that's a good sign, right?]

He reminded me that I'm the one in control. That by letting my own fears and the beliefs of others run me, I'm only going to end up hurting the people I care about. That I'll only be eaten from the inside out before I even get the chance to rescue someone who desperately needs it.

[Her answer takes a frustratingly familiar turn, reminding Masaomi of his talk with Azula and the way she told him that he can't keep molding himself around what other people need. It's frustrating because he can see it's a fault, but he doesn't know how to stop being so dependent. Not here in Adstring, where all the training in the world won't protect him from the other people here.

The truth is that Jinx probably exacerbated this problem. Masaomi can't go back and judge their time together objectively now that she's gone. He's idealized her so effectively since she disappeared. But she had been as needy and desperate as he had, and since they'd wanted to be wanted, they'd enabled each other with surprising efficiency.

He's afraid to be left alone, but he knows now that he's entirely willing to kill even his closest friends. He's a burden, a violent one at that, thrashing uselessly until someone puts him down.

...

Why is it so much easier to focus on how awful he is than on how to change?]

And that worked? What, did he put a monthly reminder on your calendar, and that was the end of that?

Edited 2013-08-31 00:05 (UTC)

If it didn't work, I wouldn't be sitting here with you now. I'd have locked myself away the moment I got here. I wouldn't have trusted myself around other people.

[Snark will not get her to go away so easily. She's right and she knows it.]

And no. No calendar. Just the people I would give my life for. Mary Margaret, Belle, Emma, Henry, David, my granny. Not to mention there are people I cared about who died--[Because of me.]--that I wish to remember by not being the monster some people like to think I am.

[Just the people he'd give his life for. People like Mikado, Duo, Ryoji, Azula, Alex... There used to be more. But he's long since learned his lesson about considering people in Adstring to be his.

The lesson is to never, ever do that.

He doesn't have to lay claim over them to protect them though. All he wants is for the people he cares about to be happy. Is that really so impossible for him?]

Like... leaving behind a legacy? Making sure their time spent wasn't in vain?

Exactly. The people who have looked out for me...been there for me through thick and thin, if they were to die, I wouldn't want that time with them to have been for nothing. They gave me a life I never thought I would ever get the chance to have. I owe them so much, but I know that all they would ask is for me to keep living. And I don't mean just staying alive, either.

[She smiles, still playing with Masaomi's hair.]

So...How do you want to be remembered?

[That... is a difficult question.

He just wants to be remembered as himself. But after splitting his life for so long, keeping so many secrets, living different realities, imagining himself as one whole person is... Maybe he wants to be remembered differently by different people.

He knows what he doesn't want to be remembered as: a screw up and a coward. But that's part of himself too. He wants to overcome it. He wants to be reliable, to be there and come through for the people he cares about.]

As a good guy, I guess.

[Give him a few seconds to continue watching the darkening sky.]

Who brings all the chicks running.

Edited 2013-09-06 19:43 (UTC)

[Ruby can't help but laugh as she ruffles Kida's hair gently.]

I suppose the pickings are pretty slim around here, huh? But I'm sure a good guy like you will be able to find someone.

[She pulls her hand back slowly, her fingers brushing against the cloak draped over Kida.]

All the good guys deserve to get the girl, don't you think?

[His hair twists in every which direction, and beneath messy bangs, he almost smiles.]

...Yeah.

[But no matter how he might want to be remembered, he just isn't that guy.

He swallows.

Not yet.]

I think I can walk now.

Hm, if you're sure...

[Ruby pushes herself to her feet before reaching down for her cloak. With a grin, she drapes the red cloth over her arm before holding out a hand to help Masaomi to his feet.]

Come on. If you want, I can walk you to where ever you're staying. If not, just tell me to piss off, okay?

[Yes, that was all said with a smile.

[He chuckles humorlessly down at the ground, but he takes Ruby's hand nonetheless.]

Shouldn't I be the one walking you home?

[It's relatively easy pulling Masaomi to his feet. The comment just gets a smirk in return.]

Didn't anyone tell you? I'm not your traditional girl. So, what do you say? Shall I walk you home?

[Once he gets to his feet, he takes a second to regain his balance, but after that, he finally feels steady again. Thinking about everything he's just said and done is more than a little humiliating, but... Somehow, it's funny too.

As long as he can keep laughing at himself, maybe he'll be okay.]

You can walk me all night long. Over the hills and through the woods to Adstring's most romantic date spot.

[Hey, Ruby isn't going to judge. She's actually glad he was so willing to actually talk to her. He seemed like he needed it. That last part gets a small chuckle out of her and she just nudges him gently with her shoulder.]

I'll give you an 'A' for effort. Come on. Let's get you to that place of yours.

[She looks around a moment before, surprisingly, heading off in the direction of the house Kida is staying at.]

Oh? My first A in years. I'll have to remember it, the day my hot teacher gave me a hot grade.

[Though perhaps he should be calling her his hot stalker, if she's so sure of the way already.]

Just mark it in your calendar, and you can celebrate it every year.

[Not stalker. Wolf. Get it right.]

Our own special holiday.

[In the end, he follows without questioning her suspect knowledge. She's just that into him, he tells himself with the smallest, comforting upturn of his lip. That kind of joke makes it easier to choke back his curiosity.]

[Ruby keeps walking down the few blocks or so in relative peace until they come up to the house. She blinks, surprised at the condition and size of the place.]

Well...someone's got one hell of a bachelor pad...

I'm borrowing it. [Masaomi explains with a small smirk. He brings his pointer finger to his lips.] So I'll go the rest of the way alone, 'kay? Or the other bachelors'll get jealous.

Ha ha, all right, all right. Get up there before they start asking questions.

[She reaches out to ruffles those blonde strands, giving a small smile before turning to leave.]

Remember, if you need anything, just give me a ring!

I never forget a hot chick's number!

[And with that noncommittal announcement, he takes off on his own.]

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