sheepinwolfclothing

[A few seconds later:] No.

[He doesn't move, staring blankly up at the sky, and after another moment, he finally gives voice to the morbid thoughts that brought him here.]

Have you ever wanted to kill someone?

[That...actually manages to get Ruby to fall silent for a long moment. She had killed before, in the Enchanted Forest. Before the Curse. Before Storybrooke. There was war, and...Peter. Peter who had just been a victim of a freak accident.

Finally, Ruby sighs and decides to lie back on the pavement as well. A few truths would be satisfactory, right?]

Only those who tried to hurt my family. But it was different, then. I was afraid that I'd end up hurting someone I cared about instead of the people who deserved the pain, all because I didn't know the kind of person I was.

[She glances at Masaomi before looking back up at the sky.]

I'm assuming you did? Or...still do? What's stopping you?

[It's a legitimate question, one not tainted by sarcasm. She's curious to hear the kid's answer...]

[He doesn't stop to think. He just smiles. It's not happy.]

I'm not strong enough to. That's the only thing.

Strength isn't just a physical attribute, you know.

[And either because she thinks it'll make him feel better, or because she's just trying to lighten the mood a little, she's going to drape her cloak over the poor boy.]

And not all battles are won by spilled blood.

[Surprised, he lifts his head just enough to eye the cloak as it settles over him. Slowly, his gaze slides over to Ruby, his expression still sharp and almost suspicious.]

It's harder to do that in a place like this.

I did say battles. I never said anything about wars.

[She's resisting the urge to treat Masaomi like Henry and brush his hair out of his face. She sits up, and choosing instead to ruffle the blonde strands, smirking as she does so.]

And not all battles or wars are fought with other people. Sometimes...they're with yourself.

Ha. [He rolls his head, ruffled hair and all, to the side.] That sounds like something right off of a fortune cookie. How lame.

[But he won’t meet her eyes anymore, and his rebukes are soft, feeble. Those are the wars he always seems to lose.]

Inner demons are a thing, you know. Everyone has them, whether they want to admit it or not. You just have to learn how to control them or they'll control you.

[She slowly pulls her hand back, though she doesn't look away from Masaomi.]

Even if it does come off as being cliche, just...trust me on that one. It's not a pretty picture when something besides your own strength takes hold and won't let go...

[He remembers standing frozen on a dark city street, willing his legs to move. They never did. They only shook.

He remembers apologizing to Anri because he couldn't bring himself to tell anyone why she was afraid to be alone with him.

He remembers Jinx pinning him to the floor of his own room, Crowley stealing the crowbar out of his hands, Jinx's house burning to the ground, Ryoji's face when he saw Duo's dead body, his legs giving out beneath him not half an hour ago.

Not a pretty picture? It's life altering.

He doesn't know why he's having this conversation with someone he barely knows, but maybe that's why he felt safe calling her in the first place. If she thinks he's pathetic, it's not the end of the world. It's just like any other rejection from any other girl.

Or so he tells himself.

He peeks at her through the edge of his peripheral vision, skeptical frown easing with regret.]

So how do you control them?

[Ruby simply smiles softly before caving and reaching out run her fingers through Masaomi's hair.]

I...stopped letting others trick me into thinking I was a monster. A friend of mine made me realize that before I could save anyone, I had to save myself first...

[She keeps doing that, playing with his hair, and it's nostalgic. Jinx used to run her fingers through his hair all the time, and now even Azula does it on occasion. It stops him from moving away, that simple action he so easily associates with love.

What she gives him to work with isn't anything solid though. It's another philosophical calling card, a fortune just vague enough to fit half the people on Earth.

Or maybe it's frustrating because she's right, and he's just never been able to do that.]

Did that really useful friend of yours ever tell you how to do that?

Edited 2013-08-30 06:47 (UTC)

[It may not be love, the reason behind the playing with his hair, but she continues, trying to offer some comfort to someone so troubled. He's not pulling away, at the very least, so that's a good sign, right?]

He reminded me that I'm the one in control. That by letting my own fears and the beliefs of others run me, I'm only going to end up hurting the people I care about. That I'll only be eaten from the inside out before I even get the chance to rescue someone who desperately needs it.

[Her answer takes a frustratingly familiar turn, reminding Masaomi of his talk with Azula and the way she told him that he can't keep molding himself around what other people need. It's frustrating because he can see it's a fault, but he doesn't know how to stop being so dependent. Not here in Adstring, where all the training in the world won't protect him from the other people here.

The truth is that Jinx probably exacerbated this problem. Masaomi can't go back and judge their time together objectively now that she's gone. He's idealized her so effectively since she disappeared. But she had been as needy and desperate as he had, and since they'd wanted to be wanted, they'd enabled each other with surprising efficiency.

He's afraid to be left alone, but he knows now that he's entirely willing to kill even his closest friends. He's a burden, a violent one at that, thrashing uselessly until someone puts him down.

...

Why is it so much easier to focus on how awful he is than on how to change?]

And that worked? What, did he put a monthly reminder on your calendar, and that was the end of that?

Edited 2013-08-31 00:05 (UTC)

If it didn't work, I wouldn't be sitting here with you now. I'd have locked myself away the moment I got here. I wouldn't have trusted myself around other people.

[Snark will not get her to go away so easily. She's right and she knows it.]

And no. No calendar. Just the people I would give my life for. Mary Margaret, Belle, Emma, Henry, David, my granny. Not to mention there are people I cared about who died--[Because of me.]--that I wish to remember by not being the monster some people like to think I am.

[Just the people he'd give his life for. People like Mikado, Duo, Ryoji, Azula, Alex... There used to be more. But he's long since learned his lesson about considering people in Adstring to be his.

The lesson is to never, ever do that.

He doesn't have to lay claim over them to protect them though. All he wants is for the people he cares about to be happy. Is that really so impossible for him?]

Like... leaving behind a legacy? Making sure their time spent wasn't in vain?

Exactly. The people who have looked out for me...been there for me through thick and thin, if they were to die, I wouldn't want that time with them to have been for nothing. They gave me a life I never thought I would ever get the chance to have. I owe them so much, but I know that all they would ask is for me to keep living. And I don't mean just staying alive, either.

[She smiles, still playing with Masaomi's hair.]

So...How do you want to be remembered?

[That... is a difficult question.

He just wants to be remembered as himself. But after splitting his life for so long, keeping so many secrets, living different realities, imagining himself as one whole person is... Maybe he wants to be remembered differently by different people.

He knows what he doesn't want to be remembered as: a screw up and a coward. But that's part of himself too. He wants to overcome it. He wants to be reliable, to be there and come through for the people he cares about.]

As a good guy, I guess.

[Give him a few seconds to continue watching the darkening sky.]

Who brings all the chicks running.

Edited 2013-09-06 19:43 (UTC)

[Ruby can't help but laugh as she ruffles Kida's hair gently.]

I suppose the pickings are pretty slim around here, huh? But I'm sure a good guy like you will be able to find someone.

[She pulls her hand back slowly, her fingers brushing against the cloak draped over Kida.]

All the good guys deserve to get the girl, don't you think?

[His hair twists in every which direction, and beneath messy bangs, he almost smiles.]

...Yeah.

[But no matter how he might want to be remembered, he just isn't that guy.

He swallows.

Not yet.]

I think I can walk now.

Hm, if you're sure...

[Ruby pushes herself to her feet before reaching down for her cloak. With a grin, she drapes the red cloth over her arm before holding out a hand to help Masaomi to his feet.]

Come on. If you want, I can walk you to where ever you're staying. If not, just tell me to piss off, okay?

[Yes, that was all said with a smile.

[He chuckles humorlessly down at the ground, but he takes Ruby's hand nonetheless.]

Shouldn't I be the one walking you home?

[It's relatively easy pulling Masaomi to his feet. The comment just gets a smirk in return.]

Didn't anyone tell you? I'm not your traditional girl. So, what do you say? Shall I walk you home?

[Once he gets to his feet, he takes a second to regain his balance, but after that, he finally feels steady again. Thinking about everything he's just said and done is more than a little humiliating, but... Somehow, it's funny too.

As long as he can keep laughing at himself, maybe he'll be okay.]

You can walk me all night long. Over the hills and through the woods to Adstring's most romantic date spot.

[Hey, Ruby isn't going to judge. She's actually glad he was so willing to actually talk to her. He seemed like he needed it. That last part gets a small chuckle out of her and she just nudges him gently with her shoulder.]

I'll give you an 'A' for effort. Come on. Let's get you to that place of yours.

[She looks around a moment before, surprisingly, heading off in the direction of the house Kida is staying at.]

Oh? My first A in years. I'll have to remember it, the day my hot teacher gave me a hot grade.

[Though perhaps he should be calling her his hot stalker, if she's so sure of the way already.]

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